Take advice from fuckups.they're the only ones that can tell you about the bottom & how to avoid it


Sunday, February 21, 2010

I'm Not The Fuckup Anymore...

My brother has often been the recipient of my mother's affections, sympathy, and respect for quite some time now...as far as I can remember, to be more accurate. He was always the one that was handed over the cash to buy name brand clothes when we were in school. He always had the pretty girlfriends who he would betray, to which my mother would always respond, "oh, poor baby, what did she do?", whenever he lost them. I love my brother. I've always looked at him like some kind of cool kid that I could never be. Popular, good-looking, funny, persuasive, macho...but all of of those labels have since faded and only one can suit him these days. As much as I regret having to say it, the only proper term to describe what he has become is Tylenol Junkie.
My brother's addiction wouldn't make me so sore if it weren't for the fact that he is addicted to something so incedibly stupid. He's strung out on Vicodin. What the fuck??? It's fucking tylenol with a fairy's fart worth of codeine in it. He's blowing thousands of dollars in the pursuit of maintaining his dependence, and completely robbing my mother blind to do it. As awful as it sounds, I wish he would just be a little bit wiser about his addiction. If he's going to waste that much money on this beast, he needs to be a little smarter. He needs to just start buying heroin. It's cheaper, and at this stage, is even a healthier avenue.
I did what I've been praying I wouldn't have to do for months and finally called his ex wife today and informed her that she needed to pack up the kids and made sure she had them because he will more than likely be going to jail this week. I know someone is about to prosecute him, and as shitty as it is, I'm not giving him a heads up to avoid his arrest. He's going to DIE. There's already obvious signs of liver failure ravaging his appearance...jaundice, sweating, distended and hardening of the abdominal area...all because he wants to eat fucking tylenol like an idiot. All of the money I could have used from my mom to fix my life and get custody of my son back has gone into purchasing this shit...his desire to be fucking stupid about his chemical dependence has affected my life. I was informed today that his 12 year old daughter's cell phone number had to be changed due to the fact he has been using it to make deals which has resulted in her receiving text messages at school asking her if she wants any pills, or where's my money...That's about enough of that shit. I couldn't allow this to happen to her. That's why I called her mother to make sure she knows the severity of the situation and to make sure those kids aren't around him right now.
The weird thing is...I'm not the fuckup anymore... My family has always shunned me and doted on Matt...mostly because of the fact that he's always had "stuff", was married, and had good jobs. Now they're all eating their own shit. I have always been very honest and open about my own demons, but I've never ripped off my family or portrayed myself as some kind of Suzie High School Betty Crocker character. I know who I am, and I have enough respect for the people in my life to never immulate anything but. ...and here he is...had everyone fooled but me...I was always scolded when I'd tell my family HE cheated and lied and consequently ruined his relationships...HE was stealing from people...HE was the one being a lousy person for the sake of getting off, whether it be with his wiener or otherwise...but no one would believe me cos I didn't lie about myself...where's the logic in that pile of utter ridiculousness?? I just wish it wouldn't have had to come to this in order to make people see it. The other thing is...no one will EVER acknowledge it or apologize to me. I hope that he can get better, but I doubt he ever will. I just wish he'd get wise about the chemicals he's ingesting so that he wouldn't have to rob everyone blind...and I wish he'd give up his kids so that they don't have to go through this.


  1. Sorry to hear about your brother. What a damn shame.

  2. Tylenol? Isn't that full of paracetamol? Ouch, just like Ferdinand Celine wrote, that is death on the installment plan. He's heading for a fucked up liver. Or worse. That's not the point though.