Drunken Letter To Jesus

Dearest Jesu...

Hi. I'm not gonna get into who I am and stuff 'beins since you supposedly already know that stuff. I'm sorry if you don't, I'm sure that could potentially be one of the things that people misunderstand about you.
I'm sure you must have been a really mentally disturbed person. I mean, you thought you were the son of GOD, I'm sure that had to be a terrible weight upon your fragile human brain. I, too am a borderline mentally ill person, and I am so very thankful that due to the modern times and the country I live in, I won't be murdered for it. I thank the evolution of ethical human thought for that and not you, and I really hope that you don't take that personally. People can be really nasty to those of us who think differently, can't they?
I can say that I know what it's like to be misunderstood...I'm so sorry for the way members of your supposed fan club misuse your doctorines and messages as I'm sure you had the best of intentions. So do I.
I do believe that you are the ultimate celebrity. You're a rock star. You're a G. I'm not saying that as a smartass, either. I mean it from the bottom of my heart. I, myself have a bit of a fascination with the subject of celebrity and 'respect', and I think that even though it ended ugly, you really knew how to draw a crowd and keep them interested. I envy you for that, but I also RESPECT it.
So...I do have some questions...I know you HAD to use some of that status to get some serious Biblical poon, right? I mean, you're a MAN. MEN have needs. My ideas of you will NOT be effected if your answer would happen to be 'yes'. I wish (as I'm sure you do, too) that others would realize that you WERE HUMAN! Doesn't that make you angry? Doesn't it piss you off that people use you as an excuse to hate and persecute other groups of people the same way that you were hated and persecuted? Does it make you angry that they worship you? I really wonder, Jesus. I mean, even though it could get a little zealous at times, your teachings seem to contradict the rules that modern 'Christians' enforce nowadays and that must really grind your gears. I mean, everything in the new testament of the BIBLE must really make you mad. I know I would be angry if people used my words and philosophies to make people hate each other.
I know you are a real person. I know that you challenged the ideas present in your era, and I know that that can be a difficut load to carry. Just because I don't believe in god doesn't mean that I don't believe in you. Your presence in different religious texts only elucidates your status. It's just a shame that no one could handle it properly.
I really think that your dying by way of crucifixion enforces your ideas of dying for what you believe in...and I think that you paid the ultimate price for status and celebrity, just as so many of my other heroes have. THAT'S fucking gangsta, Jesus, and I wish I had a way to follow in your footsteps.
I ignore the Bible, I go by the book of ME, and in my book, you're an alright guy. I know that you would never judge me for my (or anyone else's) homosexuality, curiosities, or questions...I mean, you asked the ultimate questions...and they killed you for it...but you had a right, as does any human being. Thanks for being a solja, Jesus. I envy your bravery and strength.
Upmost respect, my bleedin brotha.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKegOVenoBg