Take advice from fuckups.they're the only ones that can tell you about the bottom & how to avoid it

Photobucket

Friday, March 5, 2010

Do-Able

I'm finally figuring out part of the reason why I hate attractive people more than ever right now...it's jealousy, but it's on such a weird level that it's going to sound completely nuts once I try to explain it...because it is.
Yeah. I was totally sexually abused as a toddler/young child...and I'm going to make an educated guess that my being abused has plenty to do with the fact that (brace yourself-it's messd up...) since an extremely young age I have strived to be sexually attractive toward others, mainly men. When other little girls were wishing for a frou frou princess dress, I was taking dirty pictures of myself. I remember being sexually attracted to men and boys earlier than primary school age. I wouldn't think about how much I wanted a boy to share his candy with me or how badly I wanted the male substitute teacher to call on me in class, I wanted them to assault me.
Even though I had these fantasies of being insanely hot, I still knew that I wasn't. I did, however, learn that as long as she's not a total dog, a girl can screw just about anyone she wants to. Times have changed, and so have my looks. I used to be able to pass for cute despite my flat booty, wide hips, pale skin, and scars... I once had other qualities that were intriguing about me that could make up for what was ugly. Everything at this point is just ugly on top of ugly. I don't have any way to pass for attractive in any way anymore and IT'S REALLY GETTING TO ME.
What it really comes down to is that I'm extremely upset about the fact that no man will probably ever look at me and think "I wanna fuck her", ever, ever again. I can't stand to think of how stupid I look when I go anywhere...all trying to be cute...it must make me look like a total ass. The thing is, though, I hate to think that I'm just gonna have to start dressing like a dyke. It's the only way I can look halfway decent without just looking like a gross girl that tries too hard. IT doesn't help that I have an odd fashion sense and would feel incredibly uncomfortable in contemporary fashions that are more available for me. I'm always afraid I'll have what I call the "fat girl at a wedding reception" look.
I'm getting old. I don't want to. I'm getting fatter. I don't want to. I'd really almost rather die than be unfuckable.

6 comments:

  1. You've got pretty boobs, that always helps.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Chris is right, but I'll say I think you are attractive as well

    ReplyDelete
  3. There are so many different kinds of people out there who like different body types, different manurisms etc. Being a female, I don't think you will ever have the problem of becoming unfuckable. I felt that way too after I had my daughter. I thought I was disgusting. On top of being fat, I now had greasy skin and stretch marks that were hideous..I had them everywhere..(still do) But guys are still attracted to me, as are females. There is still hope!
    On the flip side, do you really want someone who only wants you because you body is "fuckable"? That gets old and boring really quick.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Never doubt who you are. I had someone slag off every part of my appearance, asked my guy what he saw in me cos I look so 'awful' with my saggy tits, arse, etc. I didn't take it on board because I know the opinions of people like that are worth nothing. I have seen your picture and to me you don't look unnattractive, so don't worry, have faith. There is more to a person than what they look like anyway. As far as I go, what gives me difficulties is people judging me not for how I look but how I live - that is the kind of thing that gets to me at times xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. I'm glad I got to see what other kinds of women think about this. It's really driving me crazy right now.

    ReplyDelete