I can feel all rational thought fleeing my skull full of shit for brains.
Any sign of expression is absent from my face.
There's nothing left but the vacancy that exhaustion and insanity always seem to leave behind in a crazy person's eyes.
I'm broken, spent, and burnt to a frazzle.
I keep wondering if I should just check into some kind of hospital, but the last time I did that I ended up leaving even more traumatized than I was before I got checked in.
Besides the fact that I'm going batshit mad, all of the relationships I rely on to survive in a world that constantly rejects every attempt I make at being self-reliant and functional are falling apart.
I think it's safe to say that I'm as close as I've ever been to falling off the grid and disappearing into homeless and insane obscurity.
I saw this coming decades ago. I always remember telling adults that I was going to end up a smelly crazy bum when I was a child.
Every aspect of my self-worth is fading. It's to the point where I barely exist.
Lie in the numbness of my auto-orgasms until it wears off and start all over again.
Nothing soothes me. I've worried myself into heart palpatations, tremors, vomiting, diahrrea, and cry headaches.
I was scolded today for "giving up".
What the fuck else can I do?
I'm so tired of having the proverbial door slammed in my face every time I try to accomplish anything.
I've sabotaged every role I've had the opporotunity to act out in my crummy fucking life.
I'm trapped in my own existence. Yeah, I'm a pussy in that I just want an escape.
It looks like the only way I can be free is to escape myself. Become a walking caucophony. Completely let go of my ego, composure, and useless talents.
What say you?