Take advice from fuckups.they're the only ones that can tell you about the bottom & how to avoid it


Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Bag Lady

I'm unravelling.

I can feel all rational thought fleeing my skull full of shit for brains.

Any sign of expression is absent from my face.

There's nothing left but the vacancy that exhaustion and insanity always seem to leave behind in a crazy person's eyes.

I'm broken, spent, and burnt to a frazzle.

I keep wondering if I should just check into some kind of hospital, but the last time I did that I ended up leaving even more traumatized than I was before I got checked in.

Besides the fact that I'm going batshit mad, all of the relationships I rely on to survive in a world that constantly rejects every attempt I make at being self-reliant and functional are falling apart.

I think it's safe to say that I'm as close as I've ever been to falling off the grid and disappearing into homeless and insane obscurity.

I saw this coming decades ago. I always remember telling adults that I was going to end up a smelly crazy bum when I was a child.

Every aspect of my self-worth is fading. It's to the point where I barely exist.

Jack off.
Lie in the numbness of my auto-orgasms until it wears off and start all over again.

Nothing soothes me. I've worried myself into heart palpatations, tremors, vomiting, diahrrea, and cry headaches.

I was scolded today for "giving up".

What the fuck else can I do?

I'm so tired of having the proverbial door slammed in my face every time I try to accomplish anything.

I've sabotaged every role I've had the opporotunity to act out in my crummy fucking life.


I'm trapped in my own existence. Yeah, I'm a pussy in that I just want an escape.

It looks like the only way I can be free is to escape myself. Become a walking caucophony. Completely let go of my ego, composure, and useless talents.

What say you?


  1. I want to give you a big hug.... and say I KNOWWW how you feel.. but I also know when you (me?) feel this way .. there is JUST NO ONE who could TRUELY possibly understand why and how You have gotten where you (me?) ;p are. But I do understand... and I'm sorry you going through this right now. And I'm sorry you probably feel its just been one thing after another FOREVER. I hear ya♥ ;p

  2. Hey girl..what happened with the story about the brothers?

  3. I decided to put it on a different blog because I didn't want either one of them to find out I was writing about them...just a safety measure...

  4. haha oh.. ok
    i get to read it and it was kind of hilarious hahah

  5. Hey crazy. Similar to what the other person posted, I want to say that I can relate because the truth is that I too amd going through some crap. Stress + Mental problems = Holy Shit. When you described your "routine" it sounds like me. I too have a similar fear of losing it and never returning. I joke to people that my blog is also part therapy. Shit is fucked up for alot of people BELIEVE ME when I tell you this. I have so many sleepless nights wondering what I'm going to do with my life. The difficult part is that when you are crazy, the demons are internal and "normal" people can't understand the angst even if you try to express yourself. One thing that has helped me feel better is taking natural supplements and returning to doing simple things that bring me pleasure. The other night I was feeling really depressed and I had a friend take me out and we went hiking because she knew that if I stood home, I would just linger in my dark,cold room. I also try to be around my family and friends more. But the minute you stop doing things that once made you happy, you run the risk of getting to the point of no return and I was almost there. Also, don't let the shit around you cloud your ability to see the good in some people and things. Shit is rough.